Monday, May 31, 2010

30 day experiment conclusion

My experiment to write two posts a week has been a mild success. While I did not write two posts a week, I did post at an average rate of about 2 per week. This is a posting frequency that works well with my other activities. I think I'll try to stick to it.

Seeing as today is May 31, it seems fitting to pick a new 30 day challenge. My wife is giving up tortillas chips for the month. I am going to give up eating after dinner. No little snacks, no desserts, nothing. I measured my waist today. The gut has shrunk a little (the number depends on how tight I make the measuring tape, which is a difficult variable to control). Maybe this mini-resolution will help me make a little more progress.

An experiment in learning; an online MBA

I am going to get my MBA online. Why wouldn't I get my degree this way? One of my biggest conflicts about the degree was the time it would take from my family. I don't want to spend a couple nights a week at some class. I also wasn't sure that the two schools that I have to choose from would be the right fit for my degree objectives. Those issues are out the window with the online option. There are plenty of options for online programs at accredited schools that do not have TV commercials or their name on a football stadium. I can find a program that fits my needs at a price that I can handle (University of Nebraska has taken the early lead in my limited investigation of the available programs). Besides, sitting in class was the worst part of getting my graduate degree. Taking a class in an environment of my choosing has its appeal.

Aside from the practical concerns, there is an element of experimentation that I like. I can teach myself new material reasonably well. Maybe this type of instruction will suit my learning style better than a traditional class. As much as the internet is used to coordinate activities in my job, especially with other sites, taking classes online and seeing how well different types of information can be conveyed effectively online could be a very beneficial experience.

Saturday, May 29, 2010

By my own hands

I built a wall for my kids' garden today. I just used a drill to screw four boards together, but it was the first thing that I have built by myself. It sounds so simple, but it was a big deal. My wife commented on how it was a very unlike me thing to do (without complaining about it even). I was glad to hear that. I'm trying to push back my boundaries. It was only recently that I realized I even had boundaries. Buying the new shirt a couple weeks ago opened my eyes to boundaries that I have in place to control how I present myself. Building this wall opened my eyes to another one.

I have always avoided home improvement type projects by using ignorance or incompetence as my excuse, but it was really more fear than anything else. Fear of trying something new, not knowing how to buy wood at Lowe's, or which screw to buy. It would be easy to go to somebody in the store and get their help, but it was always easier to stick where it was safe and use my handy excuses to avoid doing any kind of handy work. Instead of listening to that fear today, I make the effort to go outside of my safety zone and make the wall myself. My kids gave me my reward with the enthusiasm and excitement they had while digging in the dirt and planting their new seeds. The experience of watching them enjoy something that I built will be a cherished memory.

How many treasured memories have I lost by living in fear? I know I can't do anything about it now, but it's a provocative question. Do I want to keep letting experiences slip by because I don't want to fail or do something wrong or be judged by somebody as ignorant or incompetent? I have discovered that I really like beers that hoppy (IPA and the like). Until I started trying the single beers at Whole Foods, I never would have found this simple pleasure. It's easier to buy the safe Miller Lite or Bud rather than trying something new. Buying a new beer is a little risky. The stakes of buying a new beer are inconsequentially minor, but they were enough to trigger my fear of new things and potential failure alarms.

Of course I never thought of it like that. This is a recent discovery that has been triggered by opening myself to the risks inherent in new experiences. Today's was a big one. By building a simple wall to hold dirt for my kids to use as a garden, I weakened another barrier that I have been using to shield myself from life.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Sticking with it

Where would my physical fitness be if I had stuck with the Spartacus workout? What if I had stuck with my regular workouts rather than focusing my energy on the LSAT last February? Would I need this resolution to get my waist to half my height? What would happen if I consistently worked out for 6 months? I'm going to try to find out. Getting a good view of my gut while I was trying on my new shirt last week reminded me that I have not made much progress on this resolution. I have lost a few pounds since the New Year, but I'm still a couple of inches from my goal. There is still time to make a difference.

I'm going to be realistic in my workout goals. I want to workout four to five times a week. I am not a big fan of working out on the weekends (Friday and Saturday) and I would like a day or two each week to skip a workout if I'm really into whatever book I'm reading or to do a little preparation for the GMAT (with law school out of the picture, I need to do something else to get a credential that will give me non-research career options).

A bigger challenge than working out is controlling what I eat. If I have a decent DVD to watch, getting out on the treadmill for 30 minutes or so isn't a big deal (I watched the first part of The Transporter tonight). Controlling my diet over the weekends is a much bigger challenge. Big breakfasts, too much snacking, and a few beers add up over the weekend. If I can get those habits under control, I should start making some progress. We're pretty active on the weekends during the summer, but that activity will go much farther if I'm not stuffing my face all day.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Haven't we met before?

My forays into random areas of chemical research have a way of coming back to me several years after that first exposure. My undergraduate research focused on a very reactive species called a carbene. I ended up doing a seminar on the use of stable carbenes as catalysts in organic reactions in graduate school (I was onto something, using carbene catalysts is a very active area of research). I took a thermodynamics class before I started graduate school full time. I had to write a paper and make a presentation on the thermodynamic aspects of an active area of research. Chiral chromatography was the closest thing to what I was working on at the time that had some thermo equations in the research papers.

Nine years later, I am looking into using chiral chromatography to delve a little deeper into an interesting observation that I stumbled on while investigating a much different problem a year or so ago. I have no idea if the experiment I have in mind will actually yield any new or interesting information, but the question that I am looking to answer is interesting enough that I think it's worth trying. (Finding interesting questions like this is what makes my job worthwhile. I would get bored very quickly without them.) I mentioned it to a couple of people at work today. While we agree that there is a good chance I won't find anything unexpected, there is a good chance that we could be wrong. As long as the column I want isn't too expensive, I will likely do a few experiments to see what happens.

This kind of experience is a reminder that you never know when some stray bit of information that you pick up in a random article or book will be useful. If I hadn't written a paper about chiral chromatography for my thermo class, I would not have come up with this new experiment. Reading whatever catches your eye at any given time is just a good a way to select reading material as planning out a reading list several books at a time. There are so many things out there about being passionate about your work. You might as well be passionate about what you're reading too.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

So much can be said by buying one shirt...

I bought a new shirt for a night out with my wife. I decided to go outside of my comfort zone and buy something that was edgier than the standard polo shirt. I found what I was looking for at Buckle. The wife liked the shirt and was surprised that I was willing to shop for and buy something that was so different from what I usually wear. I have never really questioned the choices that I make about how I look or present myself. I do about the minimum of what is required for any situation. I had a fear of standing out when I was a teenager that has carried over into how I dress as an adult. I enjoyed wearing something that I actually took the time to find rather than simply grabbing the first thing that was acceptable. It sounds like such a small thing, but it has really made me aware of the options that I have when it comes to buying clothes. Many of my shirts are two or three years old. Perhaps it's time to revamp the wardrobe. This time, I might actually care about what I buy.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

My boss works for me!?

I've started to take slightly different view of Seth Godwin in the last couple of months (from apt attention to a more casual interest, the shift is complicated). My opinion is more about his lizard brain, linchpin, find your own way type of stuff being a little derivative. His latest post, drawn from his own experience, has found me at the perfect time. My feelings about recent changes at work have been discussed. My feeling shift from optimism to utter dejection, but I'm trying to keep an open mind and not let it impact the quality of my work. Seth's opinion about the relationship between boss and subordinate addresses my major concern with the new structure. I want to keep delivering the kind of results that I've delivered over the last 3 years. I'm just not sure I'll be able to keep doing it in the new organization.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

The Office Politic

I think I got myself into an office politics campaign today. My new mega-group got together today to discuss our on-going projects. It was just the scientists. Our new manager and the more senior members of the group were not present. After an uneasy 15 to 20 minutes of laying out our current project related responsibilities, we started talking about potential directions for the group. I have been planning on sharing my ideas with our manager in his office, just the two of us, but my passions got the better of me in the meeting. I contributed far more to the discussion than I planned.

After a lively exchange of ideas, suggestions, and opinions, the group member who organized the meeting said that he would take the suggestions to our manager. He closed his book and said a few comments that signal the end of a meeting. Hey now, I thought, just what is he going to say happened in this meeting? I know this guy pretty well so I had no trouble asking him if he could go over what he had written down so we could all agree that he had captured the spirit of the group. He complied, we added a few things that he had missed, and proposed different ways to get this information to The Big Cheese (I can't keep writing "our new manager"). This time the meeting came to a close.

After the meeting, a couple people told me that they were glad that I had asked to have the group's suggestions to be read back. I would like to say that my motives were pure, that I was just making sure that The Big Cheese got the best info possible, but I was trying to mess up this guy's power play. He was in The Big Cheese's group prior to the reorg so he has a solid relationship with The Big Cheese. He also has a bit of a reputation as a gamer. You know the type, the kind of guy that works harder at positioning himself to benefit from the work of others than actually working himself. I was not about to let him take the group's ideas and spin it to his advantage. I don't want to play a politcal game with him to see who can have a greater influence of The Big Cheese. I'm also not going to passively observe the growth of the new group when the opportunity to help shape it is just sitting there waiting for somebody to act.

My career is at a critical juncture. I do not want to be stuck in a muddle of a group that struggles to deliver basic and routine data. I need to be in a group that will give me the opportunity to demostrate my ability to handle complex tasks and solve difficult problems. I need to be in a group that defines itself rather than waiting to be defined by other groups. I need to be in a group that uses its extra capacity to improve our methods or investigate long standing problems rather than asking other groups for projects. I want to be in the group that the company points to when they talk about how they want things to get done.

I have expressed my views and ideas about how I would like to see the new group function. I get the impression that I am saying things that other people think too but do not have the courage to express. This is a new place for me. I have never been reluctant to speak up about technical issues, but this is the first time that I have taken a firm position on an organizational/leadership issue. I am taking a risk, but I feel like this is the right place to shift into a vocal role about the direction of the group. I would have preferred to do this without the complication of manuevering around The Mini-Cheese, but if that's the way things are meant to play out, so be it.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Why do I read?

I am jealous of my wife's garden. Well, not really the garden per se, but the pleasure that she gets out of working in the yard. When I told her that about my feelings she replied that I read books. I wasn't quite sure how to respond to that. I have never really thought of reading as a hobby. It's something that I have to do, like eating or sleeping. She's right in that I get pleasure in reading, but is that all that I'm getting when I stay up late to finish just one more page? What's the point of spending so much time with a book when I could be doing something a little more, uh, active (or at least working on getting my waist smaller)?

I have not been able to identify a specific instance when I pulled some little nugget from Linchpin or some other book that gave me the solution to a tricky problem. I have been entranced by Scientific Genius, but that has more to do with comparing my research experiences to the descriptions of the discovery process described in the book. Nobody could read Flow without thinking about their own life and having the contents of the book color their experience for a few weeks afterword.

Thinking about what will happen after the initial impact of Flow wears off helped me figure of what I get from all of my reading. The effect isn't something as direct as applying this fact to this situation. It's more of a layering of different insights, experiences, perspectives, facts, thoughts, and biases over and into the experience of my daily life. Everything I read changes the way I think about and experience the events of my life. The impact of each book is complex. Every book's impact will vary, but every one of those pages that I stay up to read gives me something back for my time. Some people converse, some people go for long runs, some people grow flowers and vegetables. I read.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Sucker Punch

I was expecting to take a role that would give me an opportunity to lead a team or drive the development of a new product. More responsibility, more leadership, the kinds of things that I will need to get better at as I work toward a leadership position in the pharmaceutical industry. Instead, I get chucked into a 21 person group that has no mission, vision, or leadership. Rather than being part of a team working to develop innovative answers to the challenges that come up during the development of a new medicine, all of us who work in the analytical labs have been relegated to providing our product design colleagues with analytical "services." Instead of collaborators, they are now our "customers."

This situation could actually be positive if the right leaders were in place, but the people that have been selected to figure out how we are going to execute our brave new leaders vision are woefully inadequate. A 21 person group with no mission or vision could actually be a good thing. In the right hands, it could become what we want it to be rather than taking the form desired by some manager in our corporate office who has never worked in a lab. That's not what will happen with this new group. Rather than letting us figure out what works best, our new management will install all kinds of crazy controls and procedures to give them some sense that they are in control. Anything innovative or new will be summarily rejected before it even has a chance to prove its worth. Our only metric will be testing samples. Developing faster methods, implementing new analysis techniques, exploring different approaches to how we handle samples will be side activities buried under a never ending pile of inane and utterly useless tasks.

I have not decided how I am going to respond to this new arrangement. When I learned that I would be staying in the analytical labs, I could only wonder why I wasn't moved to formulations. A 15 minute chat with one of my former managers cleared that up. Once I recovered from the shock of still being an analyst (I was almost certain I would moving to formulations), I immediately noticed that the comfortable autonomy that I have felt since I rejoined the company was much less comfortable. While I have no idea what will actually happen, I do know that the implicit permission to do what I think is best is gone. My new manager will not be content to let me do things as I see fit. What will I do the first time that I am confronted with an explicit instruction to do something counter to what I think is the best course?

Do I even wait until this confrontation is explicit? I want to get it out there that I want to make our group focused on getting better. The status quo, the way things have been for the last 10 years, needs to be abandoned. Let's not wait to see what our brave new leader wants, let's show him something and see if he likes it. If he doesn't like how we work, we can change. I plan on doing things the way that I have always done them. Do I come right out and tell him this in the next couple of days or should I wait until he has fleshed out the workings of the group a little bit better? I have decided that I will not simply accept an order. If I do not agree with one of his instructions, I will challenge him. I'm just trying to figure out if I should make the first move or wait until something happens.

While I work on resolving these issues, I have a few concrete steps in mind. I want to talk to some more senior scientists about what they think of the new arrangement. I would much rather align myself with a senior scientist who wants to make things better than toe the company line and dutifully follow instructions. I am going to plan a few questions for our first group meeting on Friday. Most people are concerned with the hows of the new organization. I want to focus on the vision and overall purpose of the group and how that will be reflected in our operation. I am also going to write a very ambitious development plan. I should have a chance to discuss this with my new manager directly. I think that will give me a chance to put my thoughts in front of him without being overly confrontational.

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Where I stand

I bought two books on Friday (they were 50% off and I got an additional 10% off with my Barnes and Noble membership). They were the 8th and 9th books that I have bought this year. That means that I have failed my first resolution of the year. I have to question why I picked such a low number (I wouldn't even recover the cost of my B&N membership at 8 books), but what has been done is done. My failure prompted me to check up of the status of my other resolutions. The results are mixed.

I've accomplished 2. The Spartacus Challenge pictures were submitted. I did that one to motivate myself to workout. It's too bad the challenge ended in March. I could have used the motivation a little deeper into the year. The end of the challenge and the onset of a minor medical thing has derailed my workout intensity since the middle of March. I need to pick up the pace if I'm going to get my waist size down. My weight has gone down by 10 pounds or so over the course of the year, but I don't know how much of that weight has been from my gut. I also got accepted into law school. I was actually accepted into two law programs in 2010 (with a few more in 2009). Despite an offer to attend the University of Richmond part-time (that's something that they only offer to one or two students every couple of years), I think I am going to pass on the law school thing. The application process was enjoyable, but the prospect of juggling my career, family, and law school for 5 years is not at all appealing. I'm not really sure how I could get to where I want to go through that route either. It's a heavy investment for a less than certain return.

I'm a little ahead of the pace needed to read 16 books this year. Since I read that post about reading a book a week, I've noticed that I can make it through a 250 or so page book in a week. Most popular business books are about this length. I've always thought that I was a bit of a fast reader, but seeing that my reading rate is about right to read one business book a week, I wonder if I'm at some kind of mean for the rate of getting through a book. Sorry, just some idle speculation brought on by writing. My recent reads (Flow, which I've finished, The Rise of the Creative Class, which I'm reading, and Scientific Genius, which I read in spare moments at work (hey, it's a book about becoming a better scientist, that's good use of my time)) delve deeply into issues that I deal with in what I want to do with my life, how to get there, and things that I can do to make my life better. I would like to go into in more detail about my thinking here, but there's that issue of going to bed earlier...

I've done better in that I haven't been staying up until 1 or later, but I don't know if I would give myself a done on that resolution this year. This whole going to bed earlier thing is one of a couple of issues that I struggle with that are very related to this blog. I like to use this venue to work through issues that I struggle with about my life, but making my life better means putting more of my energy into my family, career (that includes reading books), and health (working out and going to bed). I haven't quite figured out where this blog fits into those priorities. I have things that I am burning to write about, but when it comes to choosing whether I should work out, finish the last few pages of a chapter, or write a blog post, the blog post is usually the odd man out.

To this end, I am going to plagirize my book a month guy and do a 30 day experiment. Two blog posts a week for 30 days. It's May 1st so the date is convenient. This does not count as one blog post.

Alright, now that I've finished my update, I'm going to find the thinnest Dickens book on my shelf...