Dan Pink has this thing about stating your purpose, drive, motivation in a single sentence. The point is to get to the core of your motivation in as few words as possible. I have not given significant conscious effort to this exercise, but it has been rolling around in my unconscious for a few weeks. That effort bore fruit while I was at the gym this afternoon. It hit me while I was getting ready to do some pull-ups. All of sudden, "He pushed for a big Z score" popped into my head. It's utter gibberish to most people (and would have been gibberish to me too until I read about Z scores for my stats class), but at that moment it was very motivating.
A Z score is used to determine if a data point is an outlier. While I don't strive for outlier status in most aspects of my life, I also crave something more than the mediocre and routine. The higher the Z score, the further away you get from the meaty part of bell curve. Interesting things happen at the edges. The center is easy satisfaction and contentedness with the status quo. The action is at the edge. The edge requires effort. Seeing how I've been feeling about my job and career, this silly little statement has given me a new way to look at my situation and what I might do to get excited about work again.
My life does not have the trappings of the extreme, but I make strong efforts in my activities, however mundane they appear. If I'm going to spend time on a rowing machine or doing research projects, I might as well make a strong commitment.
Friday, January 28, 2011
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Cul-de-sac
Over the Christmas holidays, when there were maybe two dozen cars in a parking lot that usually has a couple of hundred spaces filled, I felt like I had to work while I was at work. I sensed this need to get something done as the expectation would be that I came to work and idly spent my hours on anything but work. I managed to get a long overdue report completed in those two days. I don't feel that way when I show up for work on a regular day. I have things that need to get done, but there is no real urgency to get them finished now. I fill my day with useful activities, but I feel like I'm just doing something to do something for most of the day. The sad thing is that I could be doing nothing and it would have about the same impact on my performance.
I have considered trying an experiment to see how little I can do without my performance (at least the perception of my performance) being negatively impacted. I won't do it, but the fact that I could is rather depressing. You start to question why you bother going to work when there is really no point in being there in the first place (other than putting in the required hours to collect a paycheck). I want to push my career forward and accomplish something. That's not going to happen if my situation doesn't change soon.
I have actually never thought about it in those terms until I wrote that I won't be able to accomplish my career goals if I stay stuck in my current position. I feel thwarted, held back from doing more by the structure and leadership of my current group. I have expressed what I would like to see the group become, but I have little influence in making that happen. I can't even get a meeting with my manager to talk about what I would like to accomplish. I've considered talking to one of my previous managers. If nothing else, I hope he would keep an eye open for opportunities that would give me a chance to do something new. I want to stretch my skills. I'm definitely not doing that now.
I have been in contact with a recruiter about a senior R&D position. She's looking for people who may fit the needs of her client. I just want to put myself in contention. If I could get an interview, I think I could get the interviewers to give me a very serious look, despite my relative lack of experience. I feel the need to make a bold move, and this would be a relatively low risk but significantly ballsy maneuver. She's sending me a detailed job description tomorrow. I hope I can squeeze my qualifications into the position's requirements.
I have considered trying an experiment to see how little I can do without my performance (at least the perception of my performance) being negatively impacted. I won't do it, but the fact that I could is rather depressing. You start to question why you bother going to work when there is really no point in being there in the first place (other than putting in the required hours to collect a paycheck). I want to push my career forward and accomplish something. That's not going to happen if my situation doesn't change soon.
I have actually never thought about it in those terms until I wrote that I won't be able to accomplish my career goals if I stay stuck in my current position. I feel thwarted, held back from doing more by the structure and leadership of my current group. I have expressed what I would like to see the group become, but I have little influence in making that happen. I can't even get a meeting with my manager to talk about what I would like to accomplish. I've considered talking to one of my previous managers. If nothing else, I hope he would keep an eye open for opportunities that would give me a chance to do something new. I want to stretch my skills. I'm definitely not doing that now.
I have been in contact with a recruiter about a senior R&D position. She's looking for people who may fit the needs of her client. I just want to put myself in contention. If I could get an interview, I think I could get the interviewers to give me a very serious look, despite my relative lack of experience. I feel the need to make a bold move, and this would be a relatively low risk but significantly ballsy maneuver. She's sending me a detailed job description tomorrow. I hope I can squeeze my qualifications into the position's requirements.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Great-great-great
My mom showed me a picture of her mother's grandmother. That would be my great-great-great-grandmother. Her name was Mary Jane Swindler. She looks like she's in her early 20's in the picture. My great-grandmother was born in 1902 or 1903 so I'm guessing the picture was taken right around the turn of last century. Seeing one of my relatives from that long ago was a very odd experience. I've often wondered how my family came to the states and what they did once they got here. The picture looks refined so I'm guessing there was some money in the family. My mom was telling me that the family owned a bunch of land. I guess that was the origin of their wealth.
Based on a quick internet search, it looks like the Swindlers were in northwest Ohio since the middle of the 1850's at least. That's good information on one side of my family. My great-grandmother lived into her 90's so I have many memories of her. I'm glad that I have the most information on her family rather than some other random relative.
Based on a quick internet search, it looks like the Swindlers were in northwest Ohio since the middle of the 1850's at least. That's good information on one side of my family. My great-grandmother lived into her 90's so I have many memories of her. I'm glad that I have the most information on her family rather than some other random relative.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Discontent...
I was talking to a coworker today. He's very unhappy with work and has very low motivation. I'm not as deep in the hole as he is, but I'm not too far behind. I thought the time off over the holidays would change the way I felt about work, but after a day or two of feeling more like my old self, I've returned to my discontent. I'm bored. I'm not motivated. I'm not working on anything that excites me. I'm not even all that motivated by working on my side research projects. I've been working on the same thing for so long I feel like I'm starting to spin my wheels. I've been working on this same problem for long enough. It's time to move onto a new challenge. I'm not alone. I can tell that most of the people I work with are bored, unmotivated, and not very happy with the situation. People are just happy to have a job. If you're just happy to have a place to go everyday and collect a paycheck, why bother.
The sad thing is, I can see how people head down this road. I've wondered why the senior people in my building never seem to go much beyond the minimum. They do what needs to be done. No more, no less. They've perfected the art of doing enough to stay relevant while not going too far to require some real effort. I have long wondered how somebody abandons the drive to achieve and just accepts where they are as good enough. I've reached that point on the career path. I can see the road that leads to contented acceptance of mediocrity and playing the game just enough to stay in the game. The option to just do what needs to get done and fill in the rest of the day with this or that is clearly a choice that I could make. The worst part is, I think I've started to accept that choice without really thinking about it. I'm not sure there is any other viable choice right now.
When the new organization was announced, I expressed my concerns that we would become an ineffective, rudderless organization that would flounder at the most simple and routine tasks. We're not bungling the simple stuff (yet), but we are ineffective and rudderless. I don't think it's just my group. The atmosphere of the building has shifted. There is no sense of urgency, no sense that we're getting things done. We're just showing up. The new projects that have come in quickly fizzle away into insignificance. Even projects that have some legs to them are getting neglected.
In thinking about what I can do about this, I don't see many options. Going to Mike would result in next to nothing. He'd probably just agree with me and that would be the end of it. He won't do anything to make a change. He's so focused on accomplishing tasks that he entirely overlooks the mood and tone of the lab. I could see myself getting a better response from other managers, but they can't do anything to change my situation. All I can see doing is telling Mike that I'm concerned about the next couple of years. Right about the time that I should be making a move into a position with a little more responsibility I'm going to be stuck working on the same old thing over and over again. I need to get things rolling my way again. I'm just not quite sure how to make that happen.
The sad thing is, I can see how people head down this road. I've wondered why the senior people in my building never seem to go much beyond the minimum. They do what needs to be done. No more, no less. They've perfected the art of doing enough to stay relevant while not going too far to require some real effort. I have long wondered how somebody abandons the drive to achieve and just accepts where they are as good enough. I've reached that point on the career path. I can see the road that leads to contented acceptance of mediocrity and playing the game just enough to stay in the game. The option to just do what needs to get done and fill in the rest of the day with this or that is clearly a choice that I could make. The worst part is, I think I've started to accept that choice without really thinking about it. I'm not sure there is any other viable choice right now.
When the new organization was announced, I expressed my concerns that we would become an ineffective, rudderless organization that would flounder at the most simple and routine tasks. We're not bungling the simple stuff (yet), but we are ineffective and rudderless. I don't think it's just my group. The atmosphere of the building has shifted. There is no sense of urgency, no sense that we're getting things done. We're just showing up. The new projects that have come in quickly fizzle away into insignificance. Even projects that have some legs to them are getting neglected.
In thinking about what I can do about this, I don't see many options. Going to Mike would result in next to nothing. He'd probably just agree with me and that would be the end of it. He won't do anything to make a change. He's so focused on accomplishing tasks that he entirely overlooks the mood and tone of the lab. I could see myself getting a better response from other managers, but they can't do anything to change my situation. All I can see doing is telling Mike that I'm concerned about the next couple of years. Right about the time that I should be making a move into a position with a little more responsibility I'm going to be stuck working on the same old thing over and over again. I need to get things rolling my way again. I'm just not quite sure how to make that happen.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
2011 Reading List
No need to have a "Books Bought" list as there will be no book buying this year. One thing I am doing that I thought about doing last year is writing a review as I finish each book. I wrote one for the retirement book I read last year. I posted it on Amazon and my goodreads.com page. I may also make a few comments for each book here as I record its completion. I'll just note a few things that I wanted to achieve with the book.
Books Read in 2011:
1. The Road to Serfdom - 9Jan
I bought this book right after Obama was elected. I needed to delve a little more deeply into my political ideology in the face of an administration that is the anti-thesis of my political view point. I almost stopped reading about half way through the book. I'm glad I kept at it. The justification for my position is much stronger having read Hayek's argument. There are a couple of processes in action now that have the same potential for denying us freedom as the economic control discussed in this book. Understanding the dynamic processes inherent in something as apparently static as political systems is an important take away from this book as well.
Books Read in 2011:
1. The Road to Serfdom - 9Jan
I bought this book right after Obama was elected. I needed to delve a little more deeply into my political ideology in the face of an administration that is the anti-thesis of my political view point. I almost stopped reading about half way through the book. I'm glad I kept at it. The justification for my position is much stronger having read Hayek's argument. There are a couple of processes in action now that have the same potential for denying us freedom as the economic control discussed in this book. Understanding the dynamic processes inherent in something as apparently static as political systems is an important take away from this book as well.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
2011 resolutions
Tiffany and I performed our annual rite of selecting resolutions for the New Year on Friday night. I've listed them in the blog title in the order of achievement difficulty starting with the ones that I think will be hardest for me to achieve.
The book thing will be very hard for me to achieve. I realized earlier today that I missed buying a book that I need to have a whole series in my buying spree last week. I guess I'll have to wait for next year or get it from the library. I'm only 2 days in and I'm already fighting temptation! Tiffany's promise to get a belly-dancing outfit and perform for me could prove crucial. It's one thing to miss out on achieving a resolution. It's something else to miss out on a performance like that!
I'm not the only one with a resolution to look better naked. I've been going to the gym on Sunday afternoons around 1 for a couple of months. It's usually pretty slow. Not today. The place was packed. I had to wait 40 minutes to get on the rowing machine. I used that time to get in a good weight workout, but I really wanted to push it on the Concept 2. I was too worn out from lifting to do much more than hang on to my usual pace for 15 minutes or so. Exercising will be important, but eating right is actually a much bigger step towards getting a sexier body. I did better today than I normally do on the weekends. I know what I need to do to lose weight. I just need to follow through.
Three twenty for a 1000 meters on the rowing machine is very attainable, but I put it in the third slot because I know how much work it takes to shave just a second or two off of a PR. Balancing school work, reading, and working out will be tricky this semester. Short intense workouts should be enough to get me where I want to go, but those kinds of workouts are hard. The garage is cold this time of year too. I was out there doing the Spartacus Challenge workouts this time last year, but I could focus on that and only that in the evening. I'll try a few things and see what works.
I've always sucked at pull-ups. Even when I could bench 400 pounds, I could never do more than a handful of pull-ups. I've been doing them more and more during my gym workouts. I've gotten better at them. I can do five or six at a time. Getting to 20 will be tricky. Getting lighter will help.
I was adding Dickens books to my Goodreads.com page last night. I still have three or four novels to go. Martin Chuzzlewit, Oliver Twist, Little Dorritt, and the rest of Dombey and Sons are all on my book shelf waiting to be read. Oliver Twist is short, but I've read about half of Dombey and Son. Little Dorritt is supposed to be one of his best. I don't think I'll be making the choice of which one to read until the summer.
I took a look at how long it takes me to read a book during the semester to determine how many books I could realistically read this year. I read a book a month during the semester. Given the breaks between classes, I figure I can manage 15 books with that pace. I hope to read more, but I'll be happy to read 15. I would like all of them to be from my library, but I'm sure there will one or two from the VCU or county library. I already want to get a book on the psychology of science from the VCU library. It's something I could read while I'm at work. I don't think they would look too favorably on me reading Clash of Kings during work hours.
I included the foundation classes resolution because I wanted to do something school related. I felt like I was tempting fate by doing something grade related. Finishing up the Foundations classes will require me to take 5 classes this year. I may feel a little burned out by the start of the fall semester. This resolution may keep me on track. I also want to apply for an advanced certificate program. I think I'll do the Leadership program. I'm going to take the required classes anyway. I might as well get credit for my interest.
I will likely expand on this exploration of my spiritual side in another post, but I want to give some background on the origins of this one. I have a complex relationship with religion. I kind of want to be religious, but I don't feel anything when I think about a deity or higher power. The more I experience in life, the more I pull away from my more atheistic views, but those views have not been replaced by a greater spiritual existence. I've been reading a poetry anthology with several poems about God. It's strange to me that the notion of God was central to intellectual life for the vast majority of people like me for hundreds of years, but serious commentary on the nature of God and people's religious views have all but disappeared from serious discussion today. Is this an improvement or an regression? My political views also have me questioning the origins of my notions of rights and the purpose of government.
I need new clothes. I'm pretty much wearing the same clothes that I bought when I started working 4.5 years ago. It's time for an upgrade.
I can manage once a week. Not every post needs to be as long as this one.
The book thing will be very hard for me to achieve. I realized earlier today that I missed buying a book that I need to have a whole series in my buying spree last week. I guess I'll have to wait for next year or get it from the library. I'm only 2 days in and I'm already fighting temptation! Tiffany's promise to get a belly-dancing outfit and perform for me could prove crucial. It's one thing to miss out on achieving a resolution. It's something else to miss out on a performance like that!
I'm not the only one with a resolution to look better naked. I've been going to the gym on Sunday afternoons around 1 for a couple of months. It's usually pretty slow. Not today. The place was packed. I had to wait 40 minutes to get on the rowing machine. I used that time to get in a good weight workout, but I really wanted to push it on the Concept 2. I was too worn out from lifting to do much more than hang on to my usual pace for 15 minutes or so. Exercising will be important, but eating right is actually a much bigger step towards getting a sexier body. I did better today than I normally do on the weekends. I know what I need to do to lose weight. I just need to follow through.
Three twenty for a 1000 meters on the rowing machine is very attainable, but I put it in the third slot because I know how much work it takes to shave just a second or two off of a PR. Balancing school work, reading, and working out will be tricky this semester. Short intense workouts should be enough to get me where I want to go, but those kinds of workouts are hard. The garage is cold this time of year too. I was out there doing the Spartacus Challenge workouts this time last year, but I could focus on that and only that in the evening. I'll try a few things and see what works.
I've always sucked at pull-ups. Even when I could bench 400 pounds, I could never do more than a handful of pull-ups. I've been doing them more and more during my gym workouts. I've gotten better at them. I can do five or six at a time. Getting to 20 will be tricky. Getting lighter will help.
I was adding Dickens books to my Goodreads.com page last night. I still have three or four novels to go. Martin Chuzzlewit, Oliver Twist, Little Dorritt, and the rest of Dombey and Sons are all on my book shelf waiting to be read. Oliver Twist is short, but I've read about half of Dombey and Son. Little Dorritt is supposed to be one of his best. I don't think I'll be making the choice of which one to read until the summer.
I took a look at how long it takes me to read a book during the semester to determine how many books I could realistically read this year. I read a book a month during the semester. Given the breaks between classes, I figure I can manage 15 books with that pace. I hope to read more, but I'll be happy to read 15. I would like all of them to be from my library, but I'm sure there will one or two from the VCU or county library. I already want to get a book on the psychology of science from the VCU library. It's something I could read while I'm at work. I don't think they would look too favorably on me reading Clash of Kings during work hours.
I included the foundation classes resolution because I wanted to do something school related. I felt like I was tempting fate by doing something grade related. Finishing up the Foundations classes will require me to take 5 classes this year. I may feel a little burned out by the start of the fall semester. This resolution may keep me on track. I also want to apply for an advanced certificate program. I think I'll do the Leadership program. I'm going to take the required classes anyway. I might as well get credit for my interest.
I will likely expand on this exploration of my spiritual side in another post, but I want to give some background on the origins of this one. I have a complex relationship with religion. I kind of want to be religious, but I don't feel anything when I think about a deity or higher power. The more I experience in life, the more I pull away from my more atheistic views, but those views have not been replaced by a greater spiritual existence. I've been reading a poetry anthology with several poems about God. It's strange to me that the notion of God was central to intellectual life for the vast majority of people like me for hundreds of years, but serious commentary on the nature of God and people's religious views have all but disappeared from serious discussion today. Is this an improvement or an regression? My political views also have me questioning the origins of my notions of rights and the purpose of government.
I need new clothes. I'm pretty much wearing the same clothes that I bought when I started working 4.5 years ago. It's time for an upgrade.
I can manage once a week. Not every post needs to be as long as this one.
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