The law school psychosis, the various job searches, even my MBA course work has been about finding something to fill some need that I have never been able to put into words. It's been expressed by actions. Funneling energy into applying to law school expressed some need to strive for an achievement, however hollow and inconsequential. A new company might offer challenges that would feed my desire to do something. To DO something. Not to simply show up at work to go through the motions required by the company culture. To claim something as my own, pour my energy into it, watch it grow, develop, emerge, that's what I've sought for my entire career.
I have no real desire to pursue seniority in my current position. I want power and influence, some direction over what I do and how I do it, but my boss's boss's job has no real appeal for me. I've mentioned that I've struggled with leaving the lab behind to pursue positions with greater influence. The path to power does not run through my greatest competency. Why am I staying there if my skills are not wanted? Why stay if I have to leave behind the one thing about my job that provides enough fulfillment to get me through the rest of it?
Money. Sure, I could make more money doing what I'm doing. Get that MBA, try some business stuff, I might make even more. I'd probably be living in Boston or New Jersey with a miserable wife and an hour plus commute. I would be miserable too, inventing ways to make my stifling role in a unimaginative corporate behemoth tolerable. Is there anything else? I can't think of anything.
I'll trade time in the lab to pursue interesting questions. I'll trade teaching and committee assignments for projects that never had a realistic chance at success. I'll trade a house in the megapolis for a modest home within human locomotion distance of the beach. I'll give up the career that I've fallen into for a chance to build a career.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Friday, August 12, 2011
This is what I've been thinking about
When I say I'm thinking about seeking a faculty position, this is exactly the kind of position that I would like to pursue. The College of Charleston is actually one of the schools that I was hoping to target when I start putting together my application materials. It's a bit of a bummer to see this opportunity available now. I won't be ready until next year.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
A Daily Dose
Seth Godin's relentless and upbeat pounding on a small set of ideas is the secret to his success. He's not about complexity and nuance. His writing is a multi-vitamin. It's easy and it makes you feel like you're doing something to improve yourself. It may not be doing all that much, but it definitely doesn't hurt.
Friday, August 5, 2011
The Struggle
The tangible product of my effort on my paper is essentially nothing. I have the skeleton of a paper written on the back of a meeting agenda. I have a few papers that I think will give my work some context while supporting the interpretation of the data. Despite my lack of physical evidence, my early efforts to prepare my manuscript have been unexpectedly productive. The hard part is almost finished, now I just have to write.
Writing is the easy part. Figuring out how to mold a few related observations and associated conclusions into something that addresses an active research area is the daunting challenge. How do I make my research relevant and interesting? What aspect of my work is the most significant? The story that I expected to tell when I tried to get a draft started Wednesday night has been consumed in the process of addressing these concerns. What I thought would be a minor observation near the end of my paper has emerged as a critical component of my argument. The context has broadened to include several other interesting research areas. In the course of thinking through the context of my work, I realized that I could actually write a second, more focused paper, using results that I was not planning on incorporating into this manuscript.
That second paper will have to wait until the winter break. I have forgotten (or repressed) the struggle implicit in writing a paper. My current approach to this kind of project, working on it a little hear and a little there, will not suffice if I'm going to get this thing ready for submission in a time frame that would support exploring academic positions this time next year (most of the academic jobs for the following year are posted in September). I will need to maximize every night if I'm going to get it done. That means not mock fantasy football drafts, Tetris games, or blog posts. I look at how much I diffuse my energy on various interests and I wonder if I'm trying to do too many things at once. This paper needs must reflect my best effort. Anything less than my top work will not suffice. Time to put away the games and get serious.
Writing is the easy part. Figuring out how to mold a few related observations and associated conclusions into something that addresses an active research area is the daunting challenge. How do I make my research relevant and interesting? What aspect of my work is the most significant? The story that I expected to tell when I tried to get a draft started Wednesday night has been consumed in the process of addressing these concerns. What I thought would be a minor observation near the end of my paper has emerged as a critical component of my argument. The context has broadened to include several other interesting research areas. In the course of thinking through the context of my work, I realized that I could actually write a second, more focused paper, using results that I was not planning on incorporating into this manuscript.
That second paper will have to wait until the winter break. I have forgotten (or repressed) the struggle implicit in writing a paper. My current approach to this kind of project, working on it a little hear and a little there, will not suffice if I'm going to get this thing ready for submission in a time frame that would support exploring academic positions this time next year (most of the academic jobs for the following year are posted in September). I will need to maximize every night if I'm going to get it done. That means not mock fantasy football drafts, Tetris games, or blog posts. I look at how much I diffuse my energy on various interests and I wonder if I'm trying to do too many things at once. This paper needs must reflect my best effort. Anything less than my top work will not suffice. Time to put away the games and get serious.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Am I seriously considering this?!
I have seriously been considering joining a university faculty. Not a big school, just someplace that would give me the opportunity to do some research with undergraduates. Preferably with a campus near the beach. I dismissed academia as a career while I was in graduate school, but a few disparate events have me reconsidering that decision.
The Jeff Kindler article, my family's beach vacation, the retirement of a colleague after 33 years with the company, the tedium that I've been dealing with for the last month, the cancellation of a project that has dominated my time for most of this year, the dissatisfaction that I've been facing in trying to plot out a career in an industry that is getting bored with my skills, a desire to have more power over what I work on. This is the miasma of my career discontent. A bucolic campus where I can move my background projects into the foreground has tremendous appeal. The geographic limitations of pharma would be lifted, I wouldn't have to leave behind the most exciting part of my job, and I would be able to determine where I put my energy rather than being told what to work on. I would make less money, but I could potentially have more job security. Faculty positions are notoriously difficult to obtain, but I think I could put together a very appealing package.
A key part of that package would be the paper that has been percolating in my mind for months. Succeed and my chances for getting a faculty position improve dramatically. Fail and I'll be the one retiring from PCH after working there for 33 years. I'm going to start writing it tomorrow. My goal is to have a draft by the time the wife and I head back to the beach later this month to celebrate our anniversary. Writing papers will be a huge part of my day if I become a professor. This is my chance to sample that career while working on advancing my current one.
The Jeff Kindler article, my family's beach vacation, the retirement of a colleague after 33 years with the company, the tedium that I've been dealing with for the last month, the cancellation of a project that has dominated my time for most of this year, the dissatisfaction that I've been facing in trying to plot out a career in an industry that is getting bored with my skills, a desire to have more power over what I work on. This is the miasma of my career discontent. A bucolic campus where I can move my background projects into the foreground has tremendous appeal. The geographic limitations of pharma would be lifted, I wouldn't have to leave behind the most exciting part of my job, and I would be able to determine where I put my energy rather than being told what to work on. I would make less money, but I could potentially have more job security. Faculty positions are notoriously difficult to obtain, but I think I could put together a very appealing package.
A key part of that package would be the paper that has been percolating in my mind for months. Succeed and my chances for getting a faculty position improve dramatically. Fail and I'll be the one retiring from PCH after working there for 33 years. I'm going to start writing it tomorrow. My goal is to have a draft by the time the wife and I head back to the beach later this month to celebrate our anniversary. Writing papers will be a huge part of my day if I become a professor. This is my chance to sample that career while working on advancing my current one.
Book 15
I finished my fifteenth book of the year while my AC was being repaired this morning. Unfortunately, only a few of those 15 were books that I've had on my shelf for a little while. Most of them were bought at the end of last year or they were checked out from a library. I have a few library books checked out that I want to read, then it will be on to my large backlog...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)