The Essence of Non-Conformity

Being non-conformist does not require you to quit your day job to travel the world, live a minimalist lifestyle, or take up meditation. You can work for a giant corporation, have a wife and kids, and live in the suburbs. Lifestyle alone does not determine whether or not you're a conformist. A non-conformist simply rejects the notion that our options are limited. Life is not a multiple choice test. We are all free to create our own best way to get through life. We are not required to follow a prescribed path.

Being a non-conformist does not require that you reject society or traditional values. You stop conforming when you stop expecting that meeting other people's expectations will make you happy. A non-conformist takes responsibility for their own well-being. As soon as you recognize that you're the only person who can determine what kind of life will make you happy, you stop accepting the assumptions that we are all socialized to adopt and start seeking your own path. You stop trying to decide which pre-packaged choice looks best and start searching for a way to make your vision a reality.

"I'm doing everything right, but I can't get that promotion / find the love of my life / find my true passion" is the refrain of the conformist. The conformist pursues a marketed image of the good life and feels betrayed when that life lets them down. They pick an idea of who they are and what they should be and never deviate from that ideal. I was a tremendous conformist in high school. I had an idea of the kind of person I should be and put all my energy into making sure I never deviated from that course. I never tried somebody new. I was miserable.

I was a conformist when I explored leaving my current position for something new up in Boston. I was looking for an organization that I could fit into rather than making my organization fit me. Passive acceptance of the status quo defines conformity. Efforts to create something better, something that resonates with your purpose and meaning require going against the grain, breaking some rules, and defying expectations. Just fitting in will never make you happy.