Metamorphosis

I was listening to Aemina last night. That album, with OK Computer, was the core of my college sound track. It still resonants with me today. I bought the CD on the day it was released. I can remember flipping through the CD booklet while waiting for a class I took about the Reformation to get started. This was 1996. Seventeen years ago. What's changed in all of those years? Marriage, kids, degrees, jobs, houses, yes, all the stuff is different. But what's different in how I relate to the world? Aside from adjusting to the changes in our circumstances, what's different in how I relate to and interact with my wife (who I was dating back in 1996)? How have I changed?

I look to my relationship with my wife to see how I've grown (or failed to grow) over the years. My emotional state hasn't matured much since I was an awkward 20 year old. We kind of built the borders of our relationship in those early days of our life together and I haven't done much to really expand from that. I just haven't had any sense of what needed to be done. At least I haven't had a sense of how to do the things that I thought needed to be done.

Things feel different now. We've been struggling the last few weeks. I'm trying to view the pain that I've experienced as the death throes of old ways, but I know that those pains are just the beginning of what will come in the next several months. I've decided to figure a few things out about myself. I work hard to keep my emotions down. I don't know why I do that. I'd like to know. I'm setting out for The Edge in a whole new area of my life.

Leaping over The Edge

Sometimes it's the right thing to do. The Edge is really just a boundary. If you want to explore new ground and expand your experience to enhance your life, you have to break out of your self-imposed limits.

It's easier if you hold someone else's hand and you jump together...