Here's the exchange about this choice that we had in gchat:
me: How do you give up theology? Don't read it? What if you thought about it? I have all kinds or random thoughts about my research come to me in the car or while I'm showering. What if you suddenly understood a passage that you read before Lent? Would you be breaking your fast?
11:28 PM Brother: It was a certain type of theology
I did not give up devotional practices, but I replaced Paul Tillich, Reinhold Niebuhr, Bonhoeffer for Luther's Small Catechism
11:29 PM I stopped thinking about justice and social ethics from a theological perspective to focus on personal piety
something I still suck at
I am not pious
I can relate. When I say I want to explore my spiritual side, I mean that I would like to see if I could ever have a religious feeling that is not entirely intellectual. The religious sentiments expressed in the letters and diaries quoted in the Civil War book I just read illustrate a deeply emotional relationship with God. The writers are not praying to an abstract intellectual construct built from ideas found in books. They are seeking the intervention of a divine presence in their life. Their faith in God is a foundation of their identity. That sentiment is a central feature of their life. It's not a choice or a duty. It's a physical need.
I feel that need, but I have no way to satisfy it. I am not ready to make the commitment required to embrace God in my life. I'm not even sure what I mean by "embracing God in my life." This is the crux of my spiritual dilemma. I'm far more likely to take my brother's tack and explore religion as an intellectual exercise, but I know that I will not achieve my aim with that approach. It's not the act of worship by going to church or engaging in the overt actions of worship that I'm looking for either. It's something deeper and more personal. It's praying and feeling like I am actually doing more than whispering words to myself. It's acknowledging a power greater than myself. Something mysterious and unknowable intellectually, but something deeply and profoundly emotional.
I can relate. When I say I want to explore my spiritual side, I mean that I would like to see if I could ever have a religious feeling that is not entirely intellectual. The religious sentiments expressed in the letters and diaries quoted in the Civil War book I just read illustrate a deeply emotional relationship with God. The writers are not praying to an abstract intellectual construct built from ideas found in books. They are seeking the intervention of a divine presence in their life. Their faith in God is a foundation of their identity. That sentiment is a central feature of their life. It's not a choice or a duty. It's a physical need.
I feel that need, but I have no way to satisfy it. I am not ready to make the commitment required to embrace God in my life. I'm not even sure what I mean by "embracing God in my life." This is the crux of my spiritual dilemma. I'm far more likely to take my brother's tack and explore religion as an intellectual exercise, but I know that I will not achieve my aim with that approach. It's not the act of worship by going to church or engaging in the overt actions of worship that I'm looking for either. It's something deeper and more personal. It's praying and feeling like I am actually doing more than whispering words to myself. It's acknowledging a power greater than myself. Something mysterious and unknowable intellectually, but something deeply and profoundly emotional.
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