If you're edgy, shouldn't you have something to say?

I was in line for a slide at a water park this morning when I heard the people behind me talking about telling one of their friends that she is bourgeois. They were laughing that she didn't know what it meant and she thought it was an insult. I'd be insulted if something told me I was bourgeois. I don't think of myself as conventional, but when I look at my life, it's hard to argue with that assessment. I live in the suburbs, work for a giant corporation, I'm working on an MBA, and I'm married with two kids. Why should I be insulted? I love my life. My wife is gorgeous, my kids are fun (most of the time), and for all that I bitch and moan about my job, I find it largely rewarding on most days. So some hipster from Williamsburg or Austin might not find my life appealing, but I derive a great deal of pleasure from the live my wife and I built out here in the suburbs.

The label of bourgeois is insulting because it implies that my life emerged from the passive acceptance of what my socioeconomic position offered in a particular moment rather than an active pursuit of something that appeals to and fits my desires. A passive acceptance of my life's circumstances would have landed me in the military. That's the path that my family has traditionally taken. That's the life that I knew as a kid. I have tremendous respect for the military, but I knew that was not my path. I made the decision to pursue something different than other people in my life. 

So I decided to pursue a conventional career in a well established company in a mature industry. Well, I may work for a giant corporation, but I would argue vehemently that my career is conventional. So much of my career angst is rooted in my aversion for the conventional career path. I can see that path and what it has to offer. It's a nice clear trail that's served plenty of people well over the years. I just can't bring myself to take it. I've recognized the expediency of heeding the precedent of that path, but I've sought a way to take that path in a manner that feels right for me. The opportunity that is sitting there just waiting for somebody to grasp it would be considered highly conventional to anybody in my company, but I think the secret to success in that role is to take a highly unconventional approach. That's taking advantage of an opportunity. That's not embracing the accepted standards and holding them as your own. 

So I'm married. I've been with my wife since we were 19. I'm not exactly pushing the edge when it comes to the primary relationship in my life. Hell, I've been seeing a therapist for the last 6 months to help me be a better husband, to in essence make me better at serving the role that traditional society expects a man to fulfill. Ah, here we get back to that idea of accepting versus choosing. I have had plenty of opportunities to make a different choice. My desire to deepen my relationship with my wife has nothing to do with any societal expectation that I be a good husband. I WANT to have a deeper relationship with my wife. This is an expectation that I put on myself. It's a choice that I make. It's a choice that I make everyday. I got a salad at lunch today to show my wife that I understand and appreciate her struggle. I've made the choice to do what is best for her rather than what is best for me. I did that for her. I could care less what conventional norms dictate. 

Maybe I don't visibly reject societal expectations. Maybe I choose to have a comfortable life in a place where my kids can thrive. So be it. That's the choice that I've made. It's a choice. I have not simply accepted what was expected of me. My choices are my own. Say what you will.