No plans = No commitments

I've taken a little pride in disregarding plans in favor of reacting to opportunities as they present themselves. Given this self-satisfaction, it should come as no surprise that I reacted very favorably to this little piece about a class in Chinese philosophy. My approach to planning is nothing new. The ancient Chinese also felt that you can respond better to potentially fruitful opportunities when you aren't intent on advancing to the next stage of your plan.

Despite validation by thinkers who lived thousands of years ago, I've been cooling on my zest for staying in the moment. It's one thing to consciously choose to observe what's going on in your environment and react accordingly, but it's something altogether different to avoid making plans in an effort to remain uncommitted to a goal. Developing a plan requires the explicit statement of a target, of making it very clear to yourself and everybody else that you want a particular thing. You must express intent. I have a pattern of avoiding clear statements of desires, wants, and needs. Expressing a subjective opinion makes you susceptible to judgement. Judgement may come with ridicule.

I've been too embarrassed to express my desires for a good chunk of my life. It's ok to talk about things that are universally accepted as worthwhile.. Pursuing more education, working for a recognized company, staying fit. Nobody will make fun of you for those things. Going against the grain and liking something that others may find less appealing, that's a little more challenging. Hiding you desires allows you to build up some pretty good defensive skills. I've only recently realized that I frequently dual with my wife emotionally. I've viewed our big arguments as a contest to see if I could get her to see things my way. Listening to her and using what she told me as a way to improve our relationship was the furthest thing from my mind. I just wanted to figure out a way to show her that I was acting reasonably in the moment and that there is no reason she should be mad at me.

Avoiding plans was just another weapon I used to keep others from seeing what I'm really all about. You can't stay hidden if you tell your boss that you eventually want his job (or his boss's job) or share your hottest fantasy with your significant other. The boss can't say you don't have the skills to get to that job and nobody will think your twisted if you just keep those things to yourself. You can slide and adjust and change your story if you never let anybody know what you really have planned. You can also keep believing whatever crazy rationalizations your relying on to justify not pursuing some worthy goal. It's easier to play Tetris in the dorm than to actually experience what the world has to offer.