Cul-de-sac

Over the Christmas holidays, when there were maybe two dozen cars in a parking lot that usually has a couple of hundred spaces filled, I felt like I had to work while I was at work. I sensed this need to get something done as the expectation would be that I came to work and idly spent my hours on anything but work. I managed to get a long overdue report completed in those two days. I don't feel that way when I show up for work on a regular day. I have things that need to get done, but there is no real urgency to get them finished now. I fill my day with useful activities, but I feel like I'm just doing something to do something for most of the day. The sad thing is that I could be doing nothing and it would have about the same impact on my performance.

I have considered trying an experiment to see how little I can do without my performance (at least the perception of my performance) being negatively impacted. I won't do it, but the fact that I could is rather depressing. You start to question why you bother going to work when there is really no point in being there in the first place (other than putting in the required hours to collect a paycheck). I want to push my career forward and accomplish something. That's not going to happen if my situation doesn't change soon.

I have actually never thought about it in those terms until I wrote that I won't be able to accomplish my career goals if I stay stuck in my current position. I feel thwarted, held back from doing more by the structure and leadership of my current group. I have expressed what I would like to see the group become, but I have little influence in making that happen. I can't even get a meeting with my manager to talk about what I would like to accomplish. I've considered talking to one of my previous managers. If nothing else, I hope he would keep an eye open for opportunities that would give me a chance to do something new. I want to stretch my skills. I'm definitely not doing that now.

I have been in contact with a recruiter about a senior R&D position. She's looking for people who may fit the needs of her client. I just want to put myself in contention. If I could get an interview, I think I could get the interviewers to give me a very serious look, despite my relative lack of experience. I feel the need to make a bold move, and this would be a relatively low risk but significantly ballsy maneuver. She's sending me a detailed job description tomorrow. I hope I can squeeze my qualifications into the position's requirements.