By my own hands

I built a wall for my kids' garden today. I just used a drill to screw four boards together, but it was the first thing that I have built by myself. It sounds so simple, but it was a big deal. My wife commented on how it was a very unlike me thing to do (without complaining about it even). I was glad to hear that. I'm trying to push back my boundaries. It was only recently that I realized I even had boundaries. Buying the new shirt a couple weeks ago opened my eyes to boundaries that I have in place to control how I present myself. Building this wall opened my eyes to another one.

I have always avoided home improvement type projects by using ignorance or incompetence as my excuse, but it was really more fear than anything else. Fear of trying something new, not knowing how to buy wood at Lowe's, or which screw to buy. It would be easy to go to somebody in the store and get their help, but it was always easier to stick where it was safe and use my handy excuses to avoid doing any kind of handy work. Instead of listening to that fear today, I make the effort to go outside of my safety zone and make the wall myself. My kids gave me my reward with the enthusiasm and excitement they had while digging in the dirt and planting their new seeds. The experience of watching them enjoy something that I built will be a cherished memory.

How many treasured memories have I lost by living in fear? I know I can't do anything about it now, but it's a provocative question. Do I want to keep letting experiences slip by because I don't want to fail or do something wrong or be judged by somebody as ignorant or incompetent? I have discovered that I really like beers that hoppy (IPA and the like). Until I started trying the single beers at Whole Foods, I never would have found this simple pleasure. It's easier to buy the safe Miller Lite or Bud rather than trying something new. Buying a new beer is a little risky. The stakes of buying a new beer are inconsequentially minor, but they were enough to trigger my fear of new things and potential failure alarms.

Of course I never thought of it like that. This is a recent discovery that has been triggered by opening myself to the risks inherent in new experiences. Today's was a big one. By building a simple wall to hold dirt for my kids to use as a garden, I weakened another barrier that I have been using to shield myself from life.