or Perish

The scales fell from my eyes after accepting that my group provides support for other people's plans and projects. The reluctance to change, get better, or improve suddenly fit into a larger effort to keep our heads down and just do as we're told. Why be bold and try to shake things up when we have no control over what we work on in the first place? Our contribution is an either/or proposition. There is no almost making it. Either we deliver a product or we show up with nothing. I work for people who choose the safe and known over the risky and untried because they are only concerned about delivering. A successful launch is a victory no matter what it took to get there. More importantly, failure to meet a product launch is an unthinkable dereliction of duty. We MUST deliver.

We don't take chances because the rewards for success on a risky approach are uncertain, while the punishments for failure are clear. The downside of failing to deliver on a project far outweighs any benefit that could be realized by taking a chance. If my first prong of attack is to take the safe route and accept the role that I must take to get my career moving towards a position with a greater role in the decision making process, my second prong of attack rushes into totally unknown territory. I'm going to get my sublimation work published. I'm not wasting my time on a poster. I want to get my work published a communication in JACS. I'm not really looking to get a big career boost out of the publication, at least I don't see laurels falling on me from the PCH leadership. While I can envision career scenarios where having that publication could certainly be a benefit at other companies or labs, I'm not pursuing the paper to further my career. It's something that I need to do. I've worked hard in the lab to understand a problem. Either I publish the paper, or my discovery will die. The work has become part of who I am. I can't let a part of me perish.