In my drive to put my issues with status and dominance into some kind of larger perspective (to place aspects of my personality onto some external and objective frame so I can look at them without feeling like a pimply 14 year old), I've begun to piece together a new perspective on motivation. While my primary, uh, motivation was to understand myself so I could stop being such a pushover, the things that drive me aren't any different than what drive you or anybody else. These primal drivers don't mesh well with our progressive social views on how we're supposed to think about one another.
Our physical appearance is our most valuable social commodity. The way we act, the manner in which we display our physical appearance, is also critical. This is not a comforting conclusion for the father or a young daughter. As much as I would like to think that my daughter will be judged for her intellect, which is considerable, or other talents, her most valuable social commodity will be the way she looks. Ignoring this fact will do nothing to change the reality of the situation. Her appearance does not have to agree with some culturally defined ideal for her to gain social status, but what people see when she walks into a room, both what she looks like and how she carries herself, will guide their judgement. Is acknowledging this fact and using that acknowledgement to her advantage necessarily erroneous?
Books like this are written from the perspective that we're more than our appearance and people will be able to see that and come to judge us accordingly. Ignoring the fact that appearance matters or pretending that it doesn't matter overlooks the fact that the opportunity for people to get to know us and appreciate our deeper layers only comes after our appearance has been used to determine if we're worth the effort to build a relationship. We're attracted to people by their appearance and demeanor. Our nature won't change just because our bias is not favored by certain elements in our culture.
No comments:
Post a Comment